Adoption reflections

Lately, my conversations with family and friends regarding our adoption plans have gone like this :

Family/Friend/Co-worker excitedly asks "Any news on the adoption??"
Me (sighingly replies) "Nope".


The last time we heard from our agency was a month or two ago, when our social worker asked if they could show our profile to a birthmom of a particular ethnicity. Since then, we've heard squat. We've gotten absolutely no feedback on our profile in the six months that it's been there, except for the social worker who said it was "so cute" and then asked if I was a teacher. I guess it had that "crafty" look to it.

Hence, the waiting persists. The nursery is close to being done, and the thrill of starting a new journey towards building a family has turned into weariness. I've actually had a few people tell me that we will get "the call" when Kyle and I least expect it... Which is crazy, because after 6 years of wanting to be a mom, the only time I'd least expect it is when I'm old and gray and retired!! After all, when you are ready to be a mom, 9 months is long enough to wait (extra points to anyone who gets my commercial reference and keeps me from kicking in the tv the next time that airs!!)....

The most frustrating part of adoption in my eyes is that it is so passive. There's absolutely nothing Kyle and I can do to enhance our chances of being matched... With infertility treatment, I felt some sense of control (albeit it, small) because I had some kind of timeline - treatments at a certain part of the month followed by the two week wait. There was promise of news at the end of each and every cycle. With adoption, it's just open ended. It could be more months, it could be another year, until it happens. And, until that day, we just do nothing except play the waiting game and contemplate how birthmoms will evaluate our profile and picture Kyle and I as potential parents. It's all very scrutinizing and judge-mental!!